Journal=Perspective

I’m in Memphis, TN tonight and had dinner with some great friends from Samford, Grant and Terri Guffin. For all of you Bama fans, Grant’s company has produced an amazing 5-disc set of The Crimson’s Tide’s Greatest Plays called Defining Moments. (You can order your very own set by clicking HERE.)

I didn’t know if I would be staying overnight tonight or not, and I happened to grab one of my old journals before I left the house. This particular journal contains entries from February 10, 2005 until February 17, 2008. I have been journaling since my Sophomore year of High School and one of the many benefits I get from this exercise is being able to go back and read my life narrative. It is such a faith-building exercise!

My journals give me perspective and allow me to see how God was moving in seemingly unrelated events of my life. Like Joseph. Old Testament Joseph, not carpenter-step-father-of-Messiah Joseph. Anytime I start to have a pity-party, Joseph’s story will usually snap me out of it pretty quickly.

In Genesis 37 Joseph is minding his own business tending his Father’s flocks and his brothers conspire to kill him and relieve him of his multi-colored jacket. Older bro Reuben talks the others out of murder and convinces them to throw Joe into a hole instead. Imagine that scene. Joseph looking up out of dark hole and he sees nothing but the silhouetted faces of his brothers looking down at him with eyes of pure hatred. I think that qualifies as a bad day. But then you flip over just a few pages and get to Genesis 41…just 5 chapters…and discover that things turned out pretty good for young Joe. He was all of a sudden the second most powerful man in the most powerful nation…truly a happy ending.

But wait…was it all of a sudden? Let’s look closer. I am guilty of taking Joseph’s predicament in the pit, slavery, and the dealio with Potiphar’s wife lightly because…as Paul Harvey would say…I know the rest of the story. But when Joseph was in the bottom of the pit looking up at his brothers, he was scared for his life and definitely wasn’t saying, “This is no big deal…This is all part of God’s plan to get me to Egypt’s second-in-command.” Absolutely not. Joe had no idea if he would live to see the next sunrise.

Genesis 41:46 states that Joseph was 30 years old when he began his work for Pharoah, which means he had been in prison for a crime he did not commit for around fourteen years. Fourteen years! Fourteen years thinking about what his brothers had done to him and how he didn’t deserve it. Fourteen years to sulk, seeth, and grow bitter. Fourteen years wondering if he would ever be free again. Fourteen years to complain to God for allowing him to be falsely accused.

But God had a plan for Joseph to be #2 in Egypt. Wouldn’t it be nice if God’s plans always worked out neatly from point A to point B with no struggle? Do you think Joseph would have opted for a different career path if he had been given a choice? One thing that I get from reading this incredible story is that Joseph…in spite of his many negative circumstances…believed that God was good.

Too often I am more like the Children of Israel than Joseph. Just like them, I have seen God show up big-time over and over again, but somehow, I convince myself that THIS time, God isn’t going to show up so I had better have a contingency plan in place.

Which brings me back to my journal…

Re-reading entries from 2005-2008 tonight made me realize that my journal gives me the ability to flip ahead a few pages in my story and get new perspective on what was unfolding during a particular entry. I see how God has connected the dots on seemingly unrelated events and that strengthens and builds my faith.

Here is an example…

As I type these words, God has done an amazing work of grace and has reconciled my relationship with Melody after 6 years of divorce. (We are working on getting our story written out and having it available to download here on the blog.) But for many years, I did not know for sure what God was up to. Consider this journal entry from Saturday, April 7, 2007…

Father, the feelings that I have been feeling for Melody for almost a month now I have to attribute to You. I have not given reconciliation a second thought since the Fall of ’04…until recently. There have been too many coincidences lately to ignore that You are up to something.

On my way to Jasper last Thursday I was talking to Mel…dropped the phone call…looked down at the phone to see if I had lost the call…and when I looked up again I was staring at a church named The Church of the Reconciliation. Some might say coincidence…I do not.

And this one a week later on Saturday, April 14, 2007…

Picked up Tal and Gabe from Melody around lunch today. She mentioned that she had a date tonight and it was almost like I had been hit in the gut with a 2×4. What does this tell me about how I feel about her, Father? Reflecting on how that made me feel, I remember a slight sense of panic because the week before last I was so confident that God was/is bringing us back together. It was almost as if hearing her say she had a date tonight was the equivalent of her getting married. My trust is in God and I have faith that all will work out according to His Sovereign plan. Whatever that is. On my end and in the meantime, my needs must be met in Christ. When I am lonely, I must run to Him. When I am fearful, I must run to Him. When I am wanting to trust in my idols rather than in Him, I must run to Him.

I have to remind myself that the things I am so worried and stressed about right now…things that I just recorded in my journal that have me so worked up…I have to trust that in a few days, weeks, or months that I will be flipping back through my journal and re-read my entry from January 28, 2009 and I will have completely different perspective. God has called me to trust Him because He doesn’t have to wait a few days, weeks, or months to get that perspective…He has it right now.

So I rest confidently tonight knowing that my story is unfolding just as it needs to and that God is good and that He has a plan.

Father, help me to trust You completely moment by moment. AMEN.