Let’s Stop Hiding Behind Christian Clichés

Melody and I have been anxiously awaiting the beginning of the new season of Intervention on A&E and watched the season premier last night. We love the show because it is about as raw and real-life as it gets and each episode deals honestly with our human condition.

Last night’s episode was about Gabe, a boy who was abandoned on the streets of Calcutta as a 3-year old boy, but had the good fortune of being adopted by a loving Christian family in Portland. Although Gabe was given love by his new family, he never felt like he fit in with his blonde-haired, blue-eyed siblings. Everywhere they went as a family, it was obvious that he was adopted. This fact, coupled with the deep pain born out of his physical and emotional abandonment in Calcutta, led Gabe to turn to drugs during adolescence.

When we were introduced to Gabe during last night’s episode, he was using heroin every 2 hours and had blown through an almost $40,000 insurance settlement. The family decided it was time for an intervention and thankfully it went well.

As we turned out the lights to go to bed, I sent the following on Twitter…

“Intervention tonight was a reminder of how Christians can string together clichés and at the end of the day have said nothing.”

My purpose here is not to judge Gabe’s family. I have no idea what it is like to have a son or daughter who is literally destroying themselves right before your eyes. What I do know is that when it comes to addiction, shame and behavior modification simply do not work. The letter that Gabe’s father read during the intervention had the therapist rolling her eyes. It was full of judgement and basically said,

“When you get your crap together, we can have a relationship again.”

When you look at sin with the simplistic view that it is simply a matter of making better choices, it is very easy to find yourself saying things like “You just need to trust Jesus” or “Let go and let God” or any number of other trite phrases that we love to throw around in Christian circles. At the end of the day, what do those phrases really mean? My heart was breaking for Gabe who simply wanted his family to walk into his pain with him and love him there.

Not only are our trite phrases void of meaning, but they also serve to further distance us from those who are hurting and can often add insult to injury. If we came across a gunshot victim who was bleeding all over the sidewalk, we wouldn’t think about simply saying, “You just need to give that to God.” We would all do whatever necessary to ensure that they got the proper medical attention as quickly as possible.

Why do we see emotional wounds differently? Is it because they are not as blatantly obvious?

I suppose I related to Gabe last night because of my own orphan mentality that I fight constantly. I know firsthand how real that emotional pain is and I was not physically abandoned as Gabe was. I can’t begin to fathom Gabe’s deep soul ache from being left on the street to fend for himself at 3 years old. Unlike many who are adopted and ask the question “Why didn’t my parents want me?”, Gabe wasn’t given up for adoption. Rather he was literally abandoned and no doubt that question has shaped his self-esteem, no matter how much love his new family showed him.

So Gabe turned to drugs to numb the ache of his soul. Ministering to Gabe or anyone who is a part of the walking wounded means finding their pain and loving them there. That is what Jesus did and the religious folk hated Him for it. It is so much easier to stand at a distance and tell someone to get their crap together. So much easier to throw out a few Christian clichés that scream loudly that we do not understand the pain our brother or sister is going through.

Let’s choose today to step boldly into someone else’s story and seek to understand their pain. Let’s bring the healing balm of our Savior to their woundedness. Fair warning…it is messy. It isn’t popular. The cliché crowd will begin to hurl their insults and will think you have lost your mind. The Gabes of the world need us. Let’s introduce them to a Savior that will NEVER leave or abandon.

Love Story for the Brokenhearted

“If Brennan Manning writes it, then I’m going to read it.”

That is how Mark Batterson starts the foreword to Brennan Manning’s new book, The Furious Longing of God, and I could not agree more. Manning, the original ragamuffin, has done it again with a thought-provoking book that looks at the “radical, no-holds-barred love of our Heavenly Father.”

Consider this from the book’s back cover…

“…a love story for the brokenhearted. For those who are burdened by heavy religion. For those who feel they can never measure up.”

Is it obvious why I relate to his writing so much? Those themes permeate this blog.

As many of you know, it was Manning’s book, Abba’s Child, that radically transformed my view of God and His feelings toward me. This book looks to expand on the theme of God’s love…something I definitely need to be reminded of.

I have provided links for these two books, along with Ragamuffin Gospel, below. Order your copies today!

I’d love to hear your feedback on the book or how Brennan Manning has impacted you in the past.

Trusting My GPS

Driving home from my conference in Orange Beach, Alabama this past Thursday, I found myself winding through small Florida towns…faithfully following the turn-by-turn instructions of my Garmin GPS navigation system. When I realized that I was in Florida, it dawned on me that maybe…just maybe…my Garmin might be taking me the wrong way, or, at least the long way home.

You have to know that my driving has become so much more stress free since I gave myself the Garmin for Christmas in 2007. It is so nice to be able to hit the road at 6 or so in the morning headed to a meeting somewhere in Mississippi and not only get turn-by-turn directions for how to get to my destination, but also get an estimated time of arrival. This is huge because so much of my stress pre-Garmin was related to not knowing exactly how long it was going to take me to get to a destination that I had never been to before. The thought of a crowded room of school administrators waiting for the “PLATO guy” was none too pleasing and has virtually become a thing of the past since getting the Garmin.

So there I was in the panhandle of Florida, having left a town in Alabama trying to get to my home in Alabama, suddenly second-guessing my trusty Garmin that was taking me through Florida. In that moment I realized just how much faith and trust I put into my dashboard device. I reflected on that as I made another turn and twittered,

“I wish I followed God as faithfully as I follow my Garmin’s turn-by-turn directions.”

I was exposed. Why was it that I was only second-guessing the Garmin because it had unexpectedly taken me into another state to get me home, yet I second-guess God so often for so much less? I thought about how many previous trips I confidently made the turns I was told to make…even the trip that took me on 3 different dirt roads! I flippantly thought “O well this is different” and kept driving with confidence and made it to my destination just fine.

Yet I so quickly second-guess my Heavenly Father when life presents an unexpected turn in the road and my orphan thinking immediately wants to take over. I think the key word there is “unexpected” and gets to the heart of the matter. I am fine as long as long as things are unfolding as I expect them to unfold and get upset when I start heading in a direction I was not anticipating. I exhibit more faith and trust in my Global Positioning System than I do in my Abba Father who created the universe and everything in it and yet still knows how many hairs I have on my head. (A few less than yesterday, I might add.)

Preaching the Gospel to myself each and every day involves reminding myself that God loves me and that His heart and plans for me are good…even if my circumstances in the moment seem to tell a different story. I am learning to die to my expectations and to live each day as a wild-hearted adventure with my wild-hearted Abba Father who loves me with an intense, consuming love. He is my Gospel Positioning System and He has never left me or forsaken me.

Misinterpreting My Story

This past Tuesday was profound for me. I watched a 20 minute video that allowed me to see my life from a completely new perspective and it left me weeping. It has been awhile since I cried that hard.

The video is of Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz and Searching for God Knows What talking about story. What is the big deal about that, you ask?

First, here is the link to the video. It is just under 20 minutes, but I assure you it will be 20 minutes well spent.

Donald Miller | How Narrative Shapes Culture

I realized as I watched Donald Miller talk about story that there events in my own story that I had misinterpreted and misunderstood. The biggie happened when I was 22 years old. Up until the fall of 1993, everything in my life had unfolded in basically a positive direction. I started preaching at 15 and also had a dream to play Division 1 basketball and my junior year in High School, Samford, a school that had just moved to Division 1, started recruiting me.

“Cool God! I love how You are working these things out!”

Samford stopped recruiting me for an athletic scholarship my senior year but instead asked me to be an invited walk-on. Still cool, because by that time I had secured a Presidential scholarship to Samford.

“God closes one door and presto another one opens!”

I get to Samford and soon realize that I don’t have a spot on the team as a walk-on. I grieved the death of that dream for awhile, but about 2 weeks later I get a call from back home inviting me to pastor a new church being started on Lake Wedowee.

“Oh now I see God. You closed the basketball door because there is no way I could pastor if I was on the basketball team. I get it!”

I pastored Lakeside Community Church for 2 years and resigned in May of 1993, the same month that I graduated from Samford. Frankly, I was burned out because I had no idea how to set boundaries and was wearing myself out trying to serve as pastor. Rick Ousley did a revival that month in Randolph County of all places and I met with him and he invited me to join Brook Hill’s “Road Warriors”…a group of music and preaching evangelists that Brook Hills was going to promote and send out. He told me that Brook Hills was going to put together a 4-color glossy brochure featuring all 10 of us “Road Warriors” and then were going to mail it to every church in the SBC.

“God, You are simply amazing. I don’t even have to figure out how to promote myself or start an evangelistic ministry! Thank You!”

So Melody and I, still newlyweds, lived off of savings for that summer and highly anticipated the brochure going out in the fall and all of the great and wonderful places we were going to get to go to and speak. Our first “Road Warrior” meeting was scheduled that fall and I couldn’t wait to hear how everything was going to be unveiled. Well, five minutes into the meeting I discovered that the purpose of the meeting was for me to inform the committee concerning my plans to launch my ministry. What? That was not what I was told. Never once did anyone mention the glossy brochure.

“God, what is up with this? We need money!”

I left that meeting panicked and completely dejected. For the first time in my life, heaven seemed silent. The next week I was in a coat and tie interviewing for a job selling cellular phones in Roebuck, Alabama. I found out about the job in the want ads. I NEVER pictured myself working a secular job. I had been called to preach at 14. I spent 4 years studying for the ministry at Samford. What was this all about?

As I listened to Don Miller speak about story, God took me back to those events in the fall of 1993. For the first time in my life, life threw me a curve ball and I felt like I had struck out. There was no “open door” waiting for me to walk through. It was a devastating blow that would have profound effects on my life.

Looking back, I felt God was pretty pleased that I was on His team. He had called me early and had gifted me to proclaim His word because He had big plans for me in His kingdom. Selling cell phones in Roebuck, Alabama was not a part of that plan. Couldn’t be. So I came to two fatal conclusions about God and His heart toward me based on that series of events:

1)God is angry about my struggle with pornography and this is His punishment.
2)God can’t be counted on to take care of me. I am now own my own.

Those two lies were deadly and would have a profound impact on the rest of my story. I realize now that I parted company with God in a sense that fall. It wasn’t a conscious parting ways, but at the heart level I felt like God was mad with me, was punishing me, and that I had better fix things on my own and then come back and have fellowship with God. I vowed to work harder and to be more devout, but in my heart I was not so sure God could be trusted or counted on.

In this paradigm I was in, I could not invite God into my struggle or my problem but needed to deal with it on my own so I could once again find favor with God. At the core, I didn’t believe that the Gospel was true. God couldn’t love me as I am and my proof was having to sell cell phones in Roebuck. Donald Miller’s words from the video shot into my heart Tuesday when he said,

“Joy doesn’t change us…conflict does. Conflict is necessary in every story.”

Wow! How I wish I had seen my life in the context of a narrative during those fateful events of ’93. Instead of seeing God using conflict to punish me, what if I had interpreted that as Him loving me well? I was convicted Tuesday of how I have bought into the story of American consumerism more than God’s bigger story. I have made judgement calls about my story based on comparison to the American Dream rather than THE story that God is telling.

As you listen to Donald Miller, think about what lies you have believed over the years that have shaped your own story. God is Sovereign and truly does work ALL things together for our good.

I want to embrace the conflict and step boldly into my story and the stories of others. Want to join me?

Porn-Again Christian

Mark Driscoll, teaching pastor at Mars Hill Church in Seattle, has written Porn-Again Christian that deals head-on with pornography and masturbation. I feel this eBook is a must-read for every husband and father. It is a frank book written by a dude for dudes. Download your copy now.

It is time the Church takes its head out of the sand and stops ignoring these issues. I can’t think of a better discussion starter than this book. I’d love to hear your feedback.

The Gospel is a Scandal!

Reading Question 60 this morning from the Heidelberg Catechism and have realized how much I struggle with believing this to be true. This unbelief is the root of my Orphan Mentality and is the basis of so much of my addictive behavior over the years. Here is Question 60 and the corresponding answer. As you read the answer, let the truth of the words sink in.

THIS is what makes the Gospel such a scandal and what we have been called to take to a lost and dying world. It is indeed GOOD NEWS!

Question 60:
How are you righteous before God?

Answer:
Only by true faith in Jesus Christ. Although my conscience accuses me that I have grievously sinned against all God’s commandments, have never kept any of them, and am still inclined to all evil, yet God, without any merit of my own, out of mere grace, imputes to me the perfect satisfaction, righteousness, and holiness of Christ. He grants these to me as if I had never had nor committed any sin, and as if I myself had accomplished all the obedience which Christ has rendered for me, if only I accept this gift with a believing heart.

So much of my work in recovery has been silencing my relentless inner critic. I have had to learn to discern my critic’s distinct voice that brings lies and accusations. For so long I felt as if I had already let God down if I was struggling, so it was a foreign concept to invite God into my struggles. Thinking that God had done all of His work when I got saved, my life in Christ was a lonely existence because I felt that I had to wrestle alone with sin. I viewed God with His arms crossed and with a disappointing look on His face watching me to see how many good choices I was making as a “thank you” for saving me. Christianity for me was reduced to moralism or behavioralism rather than a wild-hearted adventure with the Lover of my soul.

Frankly, I blew it often. This led to more shame, and, since I felt God was mad, I retreated to my own means of coping with the pain…Internet pornography and chat rooms. The guilt I felt as a result led to more shame which I also medicated, and so went the cycle of addiction.

I praise God this morning for the scandalous Gospel!

How is your conscious accusing you today?

Preach the Gospel to yourself right now…in this moment. It is TRUE and so very WONDERFUL!

The Gap Between Christ and Culture

Last week I was introduced to the works of Kary Oberbrunner via Twitter of all places. I was intrigued by his “Recovering Pharisee” moniker and could definitely relate. I downloaded a podcast of a radio interview he did about his book The Fine Line: Re-envisioning the Gap Between Christ and Culture and was absolutely blown away.

Zondervan is currently giving away a free AudioBook of Kary’s book. Click here to download it now. Here is a video of Kary talking about his book. Enjoy!

Kary Oberbrunner Author Bio from josh franer on Vimeo.