This past Tuesday was profound for me. I watched a 20 minute video that allowed me to see my life from a completely new perspective and it left me weeping. It has been awhile since I cried that hard.
The video is of Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz and Searching for God Knows What talking about story. What is the big deal about that, you ask?
First, here is the link to the video. It is just under 20 minutes, but I assure you it will be 20 minutes well spent.
Donald Miller | How Narrative Shapes Culture
I realized as I watched Donald Miller talk about story that there events in my own story that I had misinterpreted and misunderstood. The biggie happened when I was 22 years old. Up until the fall of 1993, everything in my life had unfolded in basically a positive direction. I started preaching at 15 and also had a dream to play Division 1 basketball and my junior year in High School, Samford, a school that had just moved to Division 1, started recruiting me.
“Cool God! I love how You are working these things out!”
Samford stopped recruiting me for an athletic scholarship my senior year but instead asked me to be an invited walk-on. Still cool, because by that time I had secured a Presidential scholarship to Samford.
“God closes one door and presto another one opens!”
I get to Samford and soon realize that I don’t have a spot on the team as a walk-on. I grieved the death of that dream for awhile, but about 2 weeks later I get a call from back home inviting me to pastor a new church being started on Lake Wedowee.
“Oh now I see God. You closed the basketball door because there is no way I could pastor if I was on the basketball team. I get it!”
I pastored Lakeside Community Church for 2 years and resigned in May of 1993, the same month that I graduated from Samford. Frankly, I was burned out because I had no idea how to set boundaries and was wearing myself out trying to serve as pastor. Rick Ousley did a revival that month in Randolph County of all places and I met with him and he invited me to join Brook Hill’s “Road Warriors”…a group of music and preaching evangelists that Brook Hills was going to promote and send out. He told me that Brook Hills was going to put together a 4-color glossy brochure featuring all 10 of us “Road Warriors” and then were going to mail it to every church in the SBC.
“God, You are simply amazing. I don’t even have to figure out how to promote myself or start an evangelistic ministry! Thank You!”
So Melody and I, still newlyweds, lived off of savings for that summer and highly anticipated the brochure going out in the fall and all of the great and wonderful places we were going to get to go to and speak. Our first “Road Warrior” meeting was scheduled that fall and I couldn’t wait to hear how everything was going to be unveiled. Well, five minutes into the meeting I discovered that the purpose of the meeting was for me to inform the committee concerning my plans to launch my ministry. What? That was not what I was told. Never once did anyone mention the glossy brochure.
“God, what is up with this? We need money!”
I left that meeting panicked and completely dejected. For the first time in my life, heaven seemed silent. The next week I was in a coat and tie interviewing for a job selling cellular phones in Roebuck, Alabama. I found out about the job in the want ads. I NEVER pictured myself working a secular job. I had been called to preach at 14. I spent 4 years studying for the ministry at Samford. What was this all about?
As I listened to Don Miller speak about story, God took me back to those events in the fall of 1993. For the first time in my life, life threw me a curve ball and I felt like I had struck out. There was no “open door” waiting for me to walk through. It was a devastating blow that would have profound effects on my life.
Looking back, I felt God was pretty pleased that I was on His team. He had called me early and had gifted me to proclaim His word because He had big plans for me in His kingdom. Selling cell phones in Roebuck, Alabama was not a part of that plan. Couldn’t be. So I came to two fatal conclusions about God and His heart toward me based on that series of events:
1)God is angry about my struggle with pornography and this is His punishment.
2)God can’t be counted on to take care of me. I am now own my own.
Those two lies were deadly and would have a profound impact on the rest of my story. I realize now that I parted company with God in a sense that fall. It wasn’t a conscious parting ways, but at the heart level I felt like God was mad with me, was punishing me, and that I had better fix things on my own and then come back and have fellowship with God. I vowed to work harder and to be more devout, but in my heart I was not so sure God could be trusted or counted on.
In this paradigm I was in, I could not invite God into my struggle or my problem but needed to deal with it on my own so I could once again find favor with God. At the core, I didn’t believe that the Gospel was true. God couldn’t love me as I am and my proof was having to sell cell phones in Roebuck. Donald Miller’s words from the video shot into my heart Tuesday when he said,
“Joy doesn’t change us…conflict does. Conflict is necessary in every story.”
Wow! How I wish I had seen my life in the context of a narrative during those fateful events of ’93. Instead of seeing God using conflict to punish me, what if I had interpreted that as Him loving me well? I was convicted Tuesday of how I have bought into the story of American consumerism more than God’s bigger story. I have made judgement calls about my story based on comparison to the American Dream rather than THE story that God is telling.
As you listen to Donald Miller, think about what lies you have believed over the years that have shaped your own story. God is Sovereign and truly does work ALL things together for our good.
I want to embrace the conflict and step boldly into my story and the stories of others. Want to join me?
, that radically transformed my view of God and His feelings toward me. This book looks to expand on the theme of God’s love…something I definitely need to be reminded of.
, below. Order your copies today! 
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